||[Apr. 28th, 2005|07:59 pm]
today was a much MUCH better day so that was good! jordan said i was hot to jake right in front of me! hahahaha it was awesome. i gave mike like fifty billion hugs today and jake like 12. i love hugs i think they make your day better! like today! but yeah i dont know, i hope tomorrow is a good day too. jessica is coming over tomorrow i hope, she'll spend the night so thats cool! i got really close to sam and didnt notice all the other cool girls i hang around with so yeah i need to have more than like 2 close friends. mike's gonna come over next thursday to help me make a cake for sam so thats cool cuz her bday is next weekend. and she is having a party, and its the day before i get back from florida. on this saturday i am gonna go volunteer at the peaks and talk to the elderly people. we are gonna plant flowers and paint the pots. it iwll be fun, i love painting. it just makes me sad to see these people so heartbroken living in such a uniformal place. i never want to live in an old folks home, i want to die before i get like that. i guess i am scared by death but at the same time i am looking forward to it. i just know that i am going to have a lot more family members die before i die, and death is one of the most hardest things i think any human being has to deal with. its a way of life, but it is so dreaded.
golly. i need to get my first kiss bad. and by bad, i mean NOW. k tyler and jake both new i hadnt had it so they both wanted to give it to me, and then after i went out with mike they never talked about it again. i think they think mike kissed me, but he didnt. i mean it was actually great for a while because they all wanted to be my first kiss. how come all these guys think i am hot? i love it because it makes me feel good, but i mean it was never like that before, and now it is. jake rated me an 8.5 so i guess thats kinda a compliment. hm? yeah but its like i am sick and tired of never doing anything with guys. yeah i could have made the first move toward mike, but hell i was so afraid! i want someone wholl take charge, that wasnt mike. tyler would be like that. i think i have a little crush on jordan, and... and johnny but shhh, all my friends hate johnny, because hes really funny, but the mean kinda funny you know?
wow well i wrote a lot today, so thats cool.